What is brokenness....

I feel I have experienced different levels of brokenness in my life. Sometimes my brokenness is minuscule to other times in my life, but always enough to feel broken. I am constantly experiencing brokenness.
To me brokenness is when I fall to the ground knowing I have been conquered. My body is shaking with fear. I have come to the point where I would break without God’s embrace to hold me together. I lift my hands and surrender to God. Brokenness is not knowing what tomorrow might bring but trusting God has a plan. Brokenness is confusion. Brokenness is feeling so alone and hating it. Brokenness is making the same mistakes over and over again. Brokenness is releasing all of myself to God, scared to death, but knowing he will never leave or forsake me and will love me for who I a am. Brokenness is losing things that I once my saw as my identity. Brokenness is realizing I had been trying to live a life without God, to only crash hard into the ground like a child who is first learning to how ride a bike. Brokenness is my heart breaking, feeling misunderstood, discouraged and despised. My life becomes scattered, and I desperately try to grasp or put back together an unfamiliar self. Brokenness is feeling embarrassed for once believing I had it all together. Brokenness is realizing and pointing out my many imperfections, mistakes, and ignorance. Brokenness is when I am on my knees begging for answers. How did I get where I am? What is next? Why me? My spirit grows weaker with every passing second. My heart becomes open and willing in my humility. I am humbled. I grieve. I gather every ounce of energy left to crawl before God’s feet and give him what is left of my tattered heart. And he in return gives me his word and amazing love.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
Brokenness initially cause me deep feelings of pain, and confusion, but to me brokenness is actually God working deep inside me, changing me and allowing me to grow through him during my times of trouble. It hasn't been until recently I have learned to embrace these painful times. For I know brokenness is God's work.

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